POEMS ( A sample from my book
'Poet's Corner ... $10 posted !)
Shes very
devout, both eyes shut tight,
and hands
together clasped.
She
maintains this prayerful attitude
until the
offering plates gone past
..
Put your nose
to the grindstone!
The Vicar did preach.
Poor Joe
didnt know
twas a figure of speech
.
.
Doctor ! Doctor ! cried the patient,
Is the surgery complete ?
Im sorry,
sir, said the man in white,
Im not the
Doctor
Im St. Pete
.
Ive just
lost my brief-case, the clergyman said.
Oh, dear ! I pity your
grief.
Alas and
alack; it was
full of my sermons.
In that case I pity the thief
..
The ladies
were quite horrified
at what the
speaker said:
Ive
buried seventeen wives
The leader grabbed her head
!
Another
lady fainted
The Vicar had to wake her,
and then explain,
Our speaker
works for an
undertaker
My congregations
like a blacksmith,
said the Vicar
with grim-set jaw.
As soon as
the sermons over
they all make a
bolt for the door !
Will you
have your sermons published ?
she asked the Vicar when he met her.
Only
posthumously, he
answered.
Well, the
sooner, said she, the better !
..
The Vicar used
to study elocution
with pebbles in his mouth to speak clearer;
but one day he gave a hiccup
and broke three windows and a mirror.
.
My Vicar said
gluttony is a sin,
and Im getting fat, I declare!
So I think Ill
pop off to the Paint shop
.
Im told that you
get Thinner there
.
The Vicar
was painting the steeple,
ladder slipped
on
the ground he was lying.
Its
alright, said he, Only three ribs are broken
but I sure
went down with my colours flying !
Im so glad youre
leaving, the parishioner said.
The Vicar did
blink with dismay.
Oh, dont
mind that fellow, his Curate remarked,
he just repeats what he hears others say
..
Of course I
practice
what I preach
Dont you know
I rehearse
each speech!
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